11 Jan - 22 Jan 2010
When I started posting my journal entries from my 2009-2010 Afghanistan deployment I realized right away that time had softened and blurred many of my memories and recollections…but not all them.
During these 11 days I was involved in something that changed my mentality and preconceptions surrounding mental health, PTSD, and suicide. Interesting that the anniversary of this event almost falls on Bell Let’s Talk Day.
It’s etched into mind as clear as can be; the wind was light and warm, while the sun made everything look like an old picture that has been over exposed. Occasional passing clouds cast large and lumbering swaths of shadows which if fell on you would reveal the subtle chill of winter hiding in the air. I remember the taste of the coffee I was drinking, the sounds and smells as I left the mess hall, the fall of my footsteps on the plywood ramp out and crunch of crushed rock underfoot. I remember replaying the events over in my mind for weeks, and months and years later. I still think about it from time to time.
I hate to be that guy and let it end there for you…but I can’t divulge any further details about it. It would be a breach of confidentiality in my mind.
What I can say is that the work that the CAF and Canadian Forces Health Services has done trying to de-stigmatize mental health is commendable, but there is still a long way to go. I didn’t really appreciate that until this experience. It made me encourage junior Med Tech’s to not shy away, but to take every opportunity to interview and take a history on patients presenting to sick parade with mental health concerns. Yes it can be uncomfortable, you may feel helpless and lost for words, but knowing how to listen and engage someone who’s in crisis is no less important than knowing how to properly apply a tourniquet. Do it wrong and it may cost someone there life just as readily.
It’s one of the reasons I decided to write this blog, why I want to raise and donate funds to veteran non-profits like Canpraxis, and Saskatchewan First Nations Veterans Association through fundraisers like OP Postcard. The more support and programs available to those in need, who are struggling with the fallout from their service to Canada, the more happy endings to those individuals stories we will see.
If you’ve been reading this blog since the beginning, or just following casually on Instagram or Facebook and you haven’t already taken part in OP Postcard, maybe now’s the time? Sending a postcard to a veteran in a long term care facility or a serving member to say “Thank-you” and asking them share their story with you creates an opportunity for them to be heard…and for you to learn.
All the best,
John
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11 Jan 10
I packed this in my narcotic box thinking I would make an entry at Ashoque but obviously that didn’t pan out. It was very uneventful this time around. The regular ND’s (negligent discharge), retarded ANA, pointless (seemingly) patrols and cooler than normal weather. Old Dowa John was out again so the guys were all down in the dumps. We were blatently making fun of the ANA for being pathetic in the hopes we could shame them into doing their jobs …but it didn’t work. Going out for a short patrol tomorrow then back for more orders on the Op to Helmand. Glad I’m not going because of leave but will worry about my guys while they’re there. They’re estimating some pretty high casualty rates to the point they are increasing the staff at the British Role 3 Hospital!! The guy replacing me on the Op is a good dude and will get along fine. Sounds like Mom and Dad are having a good time with Alex being home. Wish I was there.
14 - 17 Jan 10
-Redacted-
21 Jan 10
Well the past few days haven’t got any better. The guys left for the Helmand Op today. It sucked watching them drive off, I even felt a pang of remorse to see Kandak 1 leave. Although most of them I would gladly shoot without hesitation, I have made a few good friends among the Hazaras. They are without a doubt the best soldiers the ANA have. Doesn’t help things that Grandma Nell is dying , that Alex is coming back into theatre and Rhys is going on leave. Oh well only 23 more days until I fly out for my HLTA. I am so ready to be on leave…definitely getting burnt out. Been hearing a lot of Int that INS are picking up and are going to get more active. Hopefully the are wrong. Although there’s talk of brokering a deal with the Taliban this year so who knows.
22 Jan 10
I don’t write back to back entries very often but I figured tonight I would make an exception. Today was special for two reasons; the first was I did absolutely nothing. Laundry, sun tannning, worked out, ate and took a nap…it was glorius. The second was my new Kandak was only seconds away from shooting me tonight. I was treating an ANA patient for a bad infection with a high fever and had to go between the US and ANA compounds a few times. It was dark and the gate guards were brand new and nervous. As I approached they started yelling at me and my interpreter. I heard them cock their weapons and watched them point them at us. We both started yelling and they demanded a password…which our ANA had never passed on. After talking with them everything seemed cool, except it wasn’t. An hour later after the shift change (which I didn’t know about) the same thing happened, except this time they had an RPG at the gate. They yelled (a lot) and I figured this was going to die. The irony is that I had spent the whole day before teaching them how shoot and hit a man sized target and helped zero their rifles. Am I done yet?