Canaduh…eh?
This is the twenty-fifth post I’ve written or introduced for the blog, it’s incredible to see how far its come since I started writing it less than a year ago. I’m amazed over the amount of positive reaction, support and engagement that it has generated from those who’ve read or contributed; it makes me want to write more everyday. I’m equally motivated by those who’ve been critical or offered their opinions; it keeps me humble and driven to do more, and be better.
The stories that I have been sharing so far have been mostly positive, or funny, accounts of time served in the CAF. But I’ve also had people reach out to me to comment about things that aren’t positive. Toxic bosses, inept bureaucracy, and examples of leadership that would make a dumpster fire of dirty diapers look good. That’s part of the CAF as well…and for some it’s a very big part that can have a lasting impact.
Right from the beginning I said this blog was about sharing what it is like to serve in the CAF, both the good and bad…that’s the way any organization is. But it’s different in the CAF, there is this expectation, an unwritten social contract, that when you enlist (giving away many freedoms) and submit to the Queens Regulations & Orders that you will be taken care of. You place a huge amount of faith, and loyalty in the organization because it sells you a bill of sale on what life in it will be like, and it backs that up with an impressive amount of doctrine, and schools touting they instill and uphold infallible morals and leadership in those who lead it. But nothing and no one is perfect, including the CAF, and when you set lofty ideals, and expectations it makes the failures that much more acute and painful to those who suffer them.
When these failings occur, while not necessarily battlefield related, they are no less severe. In a war or battle there is a reasonable expectation of injury. I know every time I left the FOB or Strongpoint I acknowledged it may be the last. I made peace with the fact that I may be wounded or killed, there was an above average chance it may occur. Hell, as a team we even discussed which body part, we’d prefer to lose and why…it lead to many interesting debates. But you don’t expect to be sexually or verbally assaulted, bullied, lied to, neglected or manipulated in your day to day work. You don’t see it coming, it’s a devastating sucker punch. This happens everyday somewhere in the CAF.
It’s stories like these that don’t necessarily make the news, that are a major part of life in the CAF. It’s what the public doesn’t see, the significance of which they don’t grasp, that service in the CAF is so much more than sacrifice on a battlefield in a distant country. Some serving and retired members don’t get it either, I think it’s part of the reason there is a hesitancy to share non-deployment related stories. It all stems from a general lack of insight and appreciation for the level of commitment and dedication that is a part of day to day duty, because it’s normalized by military culture, and, ignored by Hollywood depictions of military life.
A while back on Instagram when the local temperature hovered around -40 (which is the same in Fahrenheit as in Celsius) I asked a question for people to share the time they were the coldest while they were in the CAF. One veteran, MCpl (ret) Trevor Champagne, who served with the Royal Canadian Electrical and Mechanical Engineers (RCEME) from 2000-2016, commented on the post. When I thanked him in a private message and asked a bit more about it, it became clear that this was an example of what I wrote above; the potential effects of a serving in an imperfect organization.
I asked permission from Trevor to share his story and the picture he painted while trying to deal with the after effects of a career in the military. It’s the cover photo for this post.
I decided that instead of me telling or relating his story, I would share our conversation, because most of the time that’s exactly what sharing stories is. This one ended without a proper sign off, and for that I apologize.
Thanks again Trevor; and to everyone else, don’t be afraid to share your stories good or bad with one another, or your friends and family. It deserves to be told.
All the best,
John.
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[Instagram Post]
Ahhhh….Saskatchewan! Currently +3 down to -28 with the wind-chill inside of 5 hrs.
When/where were you the coldest while you were serving in the CAF?
Why not give us a teaser of that story here and submit the full length version to be posted on www.unbloused.com
[Reply to story]
Trevor - Ex Northern Bison had me 10km from the Arctic circle from Churchill on Skidoo. Storm moved in, -70° windchill, fuel supplies were limited and we had to pack into 10 mans to keep warm and reduce fuel consumption till storm broke and supply plane could come in with more.
[Private message]
John - That is crazy!! I can’t even fathom that kind of cold and to be remote with limited supplies on top of that! 🥶! Thanks for sharing!!
Trevor - Craziest was how the last plane to come in before the forecasted storm came in, brought a few upper ranking tourists to take a look and leave again, without any foresight to bring additional supplies. Literally hours before the storm, a twin otter with nothing but a few VIP’s. No food, fuel etc…. Took 3 days by skidoo to get to FOB Braun (sp?) overland with the army in charge, return to Churchill took something like 13 hours with the Arctic Rangers taking us straight across the ice of Hudson Bay. I was never a big fan of winter and now thanks to the army I have Total body CF-98 for cold exposure. My fingers feel like they’re being smashed by hammers when it dips below 5°…
Yeah man, it was cold.✌🏻
[Sends picture]
How about art to go with your stories?
John - Yeah, I think if a painting has a story behind it then I would definitely put it on the blog. That’s a cool painting!
Trevor - Painted it trying to deal with the after effects of a career in the military. A career that cost me my mental and physical health, a marriage and my kids being kept from me for 6 years now, brought me to the darkest places ending with a suicide attempt, and upon waking feeling that I’m glad to be here still, not knowing why but willing to stick around to find out. I still haven’t come to grips some days, and those days are harder.
I’m tired of being seen as just an angry Veteran with PTS. I know I’m more than that, the world doesn’t think so. The world just keeps saying you need more therapy…. I guess I was feeling like a giant idiot when I painted it.
Note the shoulder bar…
John - Oh I noted the shoulder bar, first thing I saw and I could sense the raw emotion.
With your permission I’d love to share the painting and the note/story about the arctic op you were on in post.
I’ll type it up and send it for you to review before posting.
Trevor - Yeah man, sure.
John - Sorry to hear about the fallout from your career. That’s the part that the CAF doesn’t like to talk about…Service before self comes at great personal cost.
Trevor - And that’s a struggle of mine. Having people understand what a military career actually entails. I believe in general that nobody who had a lengthy career leaves the military intact. The daily burden many days is so much for everyone whether we realized it at the time or not. A life of MISSION, MAN, SELF takes it’s toll, whether you were overseas or not, whether you saw combat or not.
So much fucking death…
John - Agree 💯 I feel I came through relatively unscathed until I catch my myself making 3 COA’s for almost everything I do, scanning buildings and roads, being hard on my kids for not sucking it up…that’s when it hits hard.
Unless you’ve served you can’t get that…but we’re our own worst enemies by keeping it within our community. That’s what I’m hoping to do over time is peel back the curtain to what it is and the impact our service has and how much it varies.
Trevor - Hug your kids man.✌🏻
When someone says something like be there at two, and I’ve done a time appreciation and contingencies for issues are worked in so you end up an hour early, or conversely when shit happens to slow down your making that timing you get spun up…
[conversation ended when I had to go and check on one of the kids upstairs]